A Comedy of Fire Mishaps

A

Admittedly, the title is a misnomer.

But that's exactly what has happened to me. While I did have a serious fire accident while a toddler, the rest, though quite painful, seem comic in hindsight.

The first instance comes to mind is one that goes back to my days as a fresh university student. I was in the first year of my graduation.

My parents had provided me a kerosene stove so that I could prepare my morning tea. Our classes used to commence at the ungodly hour of half past six in the morning. Since my boys' mess was half a kilometre bicycle ride away, I had to start off at six.

That fateful morning, around half past five, I started preparing my morning tea. I wasn't an expert at lighting matches (I'm still a klutz), but that was the only way to light a stove.

Lighting all five wicks took long... the matchstick singed my fingers and I dropped it in agony — on my foot. Havin managed to get both hand and foot burnt by a single matchstick I proceeded to spill boiling water on the other foot while pouring it into a cup.

But I wasn't done. I had to put the stove out. Having tried all ways to extinguish it, I tried blowing it out. Suddenly, a flame shot high and singed my face, burning my beard and moustache (I cultivated facial hair then).

I should have known better to stay away from flames then on. But I kept getting into tight situations with fire, though my memory fails to recall any other major incident.

Till yesterday — Sunday.

Having been informed rather late in the day that my cook wouldn't be coming, I tried preparing some instant soup for lunch.

I selected a matchstick, whose strength seemed suspect... but I proceeded.

As I struck the match, I heard the familiar flaring sound, but was aghast to find that I held the bottom half of the stick. Then where was the flame?

I realized a moment later, with an yelp of pain. The flaming tip had broken off and flown down to land below the sole of my left foot. Needless to say, I was barefoot.

I guess matches manufacturers will have to design special safety matches for a klutz like me. For I've realized the hard way that safety matches for mere mortals are as safe as a keg of gunpowder for me!