In remembrance (written on the night of 24th June)

Forgive me. This post is a bit personal.
Tonight is the first time I'm spending a night at my grandparent's place in Cal since my Didan passed away. And I cannot sleep. Memories keep flooding me, and yet, no tears.
A couple of things seem to have fired my nostalgia:
I visited my old office the first time after I left. And it felt good to be back, even though temporarily. Today, realisation dawned that my true calling lay here - in Cal with my old team. I think I've always felt that way. But just as a young bird needs to go on its first flight alone to strengthen its wings and return home, so do I. It's not yet time.
There is another painful reason: I can't think of working in Cal staying in this house. Its sacred to the memory of times gone by.
I did not have the luxury of showing my anguish when I first heard the news, dumbstruck as I was with shock. Also, I got the news in the middle of a mass meeting with top bosses. I felt and still feel strangulated.
I'm awake at that point of time in the night when I used to get back. More memories flood me, but still no tears. Guess I'm being selfish, but she was snatched away when I needed her the most. I was close to her in an unlikely manner. All her grandchildren felt closer to her than their own mothers. She was often a sounding board for most of my decisions in life. And I've reached the crossroad thinking about what the rest of my life holds. I needed her words of wisdom now.
yet I can't come back before proving myself.
She had decided on my shift. She was after me to take this decision. The least I can do as her grandson is to abide by it.

A million cars to Noida (written on 13th June)

I had got out of office a bit early tonight. Coming down Nizamuddin bridge on my way home, I was greeted by the tail lights of a million cars. Well, not exactly, but quite a few, let me tell you.
I made a few deductions:
a) a sizable population of the capital was visiting the suburbs
b) most journalists in the capital live in Noida
c) it was a Friday, so everyone wanted to go on a drive on the highway